Seeking Support is the fifth installment of the Productive Waiting series.
Support goes deeper than friendship. Much deeper. When the going gets really rough, a support person will not let you quit. If you try to play the victim, they encourage you to take the high road. As soon as you start to whine, they nudge you to toughen up. Whenever you need them, they drop what they are doing and come to help. On the days you are feeling great, they join you to celebrate.
Their guidance is crucial because they are your biggest advocates. They care for you as much or more than they care for themselves. When we are navigating through difficult and challenging periods of our lives, we need the unconditional support of someone who truly loves us.
A Helping Hand
I am talking about someone who wants what’s best for you and is willing to put in the hard work to help you achieve it. Do you have someone in your life who supports you in one or more of the following ways?
- Tries to make you laugh when you don’t feel like smiling
- Makes sacrifices in order for you to succeed
- Raises the level of engagement in your conversations
- Guides you through a problem instead of solving it for you
- Encourages you to be a better person and to extend yourself to others
Beyond having someone who does this for you, I also wish to explore how we fill this role for someone else. Let’s take a walk you through some examples of people who have put themselves second to help someone else succeed. This dynamic enlightens the way I think about relationships. In the same way, I hope it helps you think about the way people relate to you and what your actions mean to the people you think are important.
King David’s Best Friend
Previously, I have written about King David from the Bible, who waited over 15 years to become king. During this time, he found himself fighting hostile enemies and evading the king who was trying to kill him. During this tumultuous time, David found support from an unlikely person, the son of the man trying to kill him. Jonathan was the son of King Saul.
The relationship between Jonathan and David is one of the most famous in the Bible. Soon after David slew Goliath, they cemented a brotherly bond. Jonathan gave David his robe, armor, and sword. He pledged his unconditional love for David. Jonathan risked everything for David, including his life. Here is an example:
One day, David received news that Saul was on the way to find and kill him. Jonathan found David and encouraged him to stay strong in his faith in God. “Don’t be afraid,” Jonathan reassured him. “My father will never find you! You are going to be the king of Israel, and I will be second to you, as my father, Saul, is well aware.”
1 Samuel 23:15-18
Jonathan put himself second to David. He was in line to become king and have everything in his control, yet he did the opposite. Instead, he humbled himself so David could become king. I cannot fathom the depth of Jonathan’s love for his friend. He focused on helping David to be successful.
What Can We Learn from This?
Examine your relationships. Who is in your life that believes in you and wants you to be successful? They ride shotgun and act as your evangelist and your emotional support. They tell others about your strengths and they won’t let you quit.
Focus your energy and time on these people. Share your challenges and obstacles with them. Continually seek their counsel and listen to them. They will not appease you and do not expect them to do so. What they will share is their undying support to help you no matter if things are going great or poorly.
Friends that stand by you and act as your advisor are gold. They are honest with you and keep you focused on what’s best for you. When you are ready to quit, they step in and keep you moving forward. Your success and happiness are important to them and they will keep encouraging you until you succeed. If your friends are not evangelizing for you, seek relationships that go to these depths. The following is one of my favorite examples of unwavering support.
A King from a Different Time
In the early 1970s, Stephen King began as a freelance writer after he left college. To make ends meet, he took a job as a teacher and lived in a trailer with his wife, Tabitha. They struggled to make ends meets. Stephen’s writing focused on short stories written after he finished teaching for the day. He submitted these stories to magazines and earned a small commission for these articles.
One day, Tabitha came home from work. While cleaning up around the trailer, she was throwing some things away and stumbled across a 3-page story in the trash. She pulled the story out of the trash, brushed it off, and sat down to read it. When she finished reading, she excitedly took it to Stephen. She wanted him to finish it. Unfortunately, he didn’t think he was capable of creating the female lead the story required. Tabitha, being a woman, told him she would advise him and help him create this character. Stephen continued writing and used Tabitha for guidance.
When Stephen finished the story, his submission was rejected by over 30 different publishers. Tabitha supported him through the waiting until a publisher offered $2,500 for the right to publish his novel, Carrie*.
Carrie never gets published without the support of Tabitha King
Stephen’s story and maybe his career would have stayed in the trash if it were not for his supportive friend and spouse. She approached him boldly and with commitment. She didn’t write the story but she was there to give life and realism to the characters and help the story come alive.
Who is pushing you through these waiting periods in your life? Who is guiding you to develop the characters in your story? Find people that see greatness in you and allow them to help you. It wouldn’t hurt if you gave them your unconditional support as well.
The Rest of the Story
Stephen King’s supportive wife, Tabitha, also happened to be passionate about writing. After helping Stephen get published to start his literary career, she began writing her own stories. She has now written and published over 10 novels. It hasn’t all been easy. Later in the 1980s, Stephen fell into alcoholism and Tabitha intervened and delivered tough love to her friend. She was willing to leave with the kids if he wouldn’t address his problem. He did, and she supported him through the challenge.
Tabitha focused her actions on helping Stephen become a better version of himself. Whether that was as a writer, father, or human being, she supported him with what he needed most at the time. At one point, that was reassurance and accolades; at another point, it was a kick in the butt. Her selfless mindset and focus are inspiring.
For a full history and background of the King family, click here.
Stand By Me
Believe it or not, there are people in your life right now that think very highly of you. In fact, they want you to be successful and they will put themselves second in order for that to happen. For whom will you be that person?
Right now, stop for a second and think about the people in your life. I mean, really meditate on it for 2 minutes. Who do you know, respect, and want to succeed? Are you willing to put yourself second to them and really support them? I hope so. Your support will make a difference in their life, regardless of what they decide to do. Being that person for someone else will make your life more complete and meaningful. Give this a great deal of thought and identify a person to support.
Do you remember how Jonathan made a bond with David which signified his complete devotion? Reaching out and making that type of commitment will likely be awkward. You will need to be vulnerable, but I guarantee it will be worth every uncomfortable moment. Reach out to that person and offer to form an unbreakable bond with them. If they accept and you always put them first, you will be starting a lifelong relationship that will pay immense dividends to both of you. Take action today!
Help others achieve their dreams and you will achieve yours
Les Brown
*The background on Stephen King’s first published novel is available here.