It Started with a Story
A couple of weeks ago, I happened across an analogy about judgment. I read it, thought about it for a minute, and saved it. Then, I went on with my life. It just happened that this idea continued to re-surface in my conversations. The story centered around the idea of judgment, differences, and open-mindedness.
In the following weeks, these concepts seemed to surface with different people with whom I was talking. Many people are battling with divisive and judgmental people, especially on social media. Then, the other day, my wife prodded me, while in a group conversation, to share the story. It was at that moment, I realized I needed to share it with my readers. Here is the analogy:
“When you go out into the woods and you look at trees, you see all these different trees. And some of them are bent, and some of them are straight, and some of them are evergreens, and some of them are whatever. And you look at the tree and you allow it. You see why it is the way it is. You sort of understand that it didn’t get enough light, and so it turned that way. And you don’t get all emotional about it. You just allow it. You appreciate the tree. The minute you get near humans, you lose all that. And you are constantly saying ‘You’re too this, or I’m too this.’ That judging mind comes in. And so I practice turning people into trees. Which means appreciating them just the way they are.”
Ram Dass*
What Makes this Applicable?
I find my friends are struggling with the divisions and combativeness of our times. They desire to be closer with their friends and family, but conversations turn quickly into battles of words. We need to see differences as positives and not as opportunities to promote judgment.
Of all creation, I find trees incredibly interesting and wondrous. They come in all sizes, from short and sturdy to tall and slender. Some do not hit their prime until 100 years into their lives. Most incredibly, their roots are connected and they share resources as a community to live.^
I must not be the only one to relate. Many can envision a tree that is growing “abnormally”. It’s actually hard to find trees growing perfectly straight. The juxtaposition between trees and people strikes a chord with me and with those whom I have shared the story.
Now, allow your mind to envision a person “different” from the norm. Just like trees, humans come in all varieties and require a community to survive. The point is this: We embrace the endless diversity and uniqueness in nature but we fail to see it in our fellow human beings.
We need to focus on changing that situation to discover inspiration and wonder in every living thing.
Open Mind or Closed Book?
Nature allows me to appreciate the beauty and uniqueness of its plants, flowers, trees, and wildlife. Seeing a tree twisting its way around a fence is interesting and thought-provoking to me. The same is true when I observe a plant contorting itself to reach the sun. As others find expression in art, I find it revealed to me through nature.
For this very reason, I am flabbergasted with myself when I expect people to look, act and behave in the same manner as I do. Try as I might, I find it difficult for my brain not to engage in stereotypes, historical perspectives, and limited thinking when I enter new situations with different people. I am constantly looking for opportunities to be more open-minded.
How do I Train Myself to Open my Mind
There are 3 ways to open your mind and to distance yourself from the box of culture, norms, judgment, and upbringing. They are:
#1: Expand your circle and your conversations
Our world will not change if you surround yourself with likeminded people and you all agree about the state of the world. That, actually, reinforces and deepens divisions.
Instead, be open to the tree growing in a different light or in a different type of soil. How do they see things? Where are they struggling? What are they hoping will happen in the world or in their lives? The objective is to get different people talking about their differences, all in a non-judgmental environment.
#2: Listen, especially to things which are disagreeable to you
Seek areas of common ground. All opinions are the outcomes of experience, learning, exposure, and reinforcement.
I have a friend working through a sermon series on Luke 4. In the passage, Jesus spends 40 days in the desert. In the end, he is tempted by the devil. Setting aside the theology, think about that scenario. If Jesus flatly refused to listen, we would have lost the lessons revealed in their discussions. Plus, the devil’s intentions may have looked benevolent without an open conversation with active listening.
#3: Negotiate
Luckily, you will not be talking and negotiating with the devil. Negotiating, however, does create the
When in protracted talks between parties, a trained negotiator will seek the Best Alternative. When dealing with someone that does not want to negotiate at all, having several alternatives increases your opportunity to agree. Setting parameters allows you multiple options for success and it opens your own mind into how you can progress toward a better future. Explore your alternative ideas and bring them with you!
Lastly, expand carefully and use this as an opportunity to bond with people and learn more about yourself. Your goal is to open your mind and see situations from different perspectives. Your openness will encourage and motivate others to be open, too.
How to Judge your Progress?
This all sounds great, but how do you get started? Better yet, how will you know if you are getting more open-minded? To improve you need to apply the concepts above, measure, and make adjustments. I penned an article providing 3 great tips for successfully applying lifestyle changes. Those concepts, combined with the thought process above, pave the way for living more peaceably with others rather than finding reasons to be hostile and at odds.
I had no intention of writing on this subject, but when a topic appears and re-appears, the article seems to write itself. My hope is that reaching out might help one person and bring hope. There are others trying to unite and bring people together through open-mindedness. Seek them out through conversation, listening, and negotiation. You will be
*Ram Dass, the muse for this story, recently passed away in December 2019. His writings reveal insight and intrigue to the human condition. Try a sample here.
^ Courtesy of the book, “The Hidden Life of Trees” by Peter Wohlleben