This article on Structure is part of my series, Recollections from 22 Years as a Father. In this series, I share ideas I wish I knew when my role as a father began.
My wife and I lucked into this little nugget. When our kids were babies, we consistently put them into the bathtub at the same time every night. We then dressed them for bed and read aloud until it was time to go to sleep. Honestly, we did it for ourselves, but we soon came to realize that they enjoyed the structure and routine. In fact, they came to depend upon it and thrive because of it.
Why? Well, these little activities became the building blocks for much more beneficial outcomes as they grew up. The routines helped them go to bed more relaxed and wake up refreshed and energized and this was just the tip of the iceberg. Let’s take a look at how structure benefits children from an early age into the future. The benefits even impact
Structural Benefits
Maintaining a consistent schedule benefits kids in many different ways. In fact, consistency is beneficial all of the way through your life, whether it is your morning routine, getting exercise, or bedtime rituals. Let’s take a look at the benefits and see how we can apply these principles to kids in your life or into your daily schedule.
Stress Reduction
Knowing what to expect is a stress reliever. If I do not know what is coming, I tend to worry or become anxious about the impending event. Imagine then, what it is like for kids. Suddenly, questions like “When am I going to eat?” or “What book will I be reading at bed time?” seem less trivial. On the contrary, worrying about these questions cause stress for kids. Lack of consistency leads to uncertainty, confusion, and frustration.
When you hear that people fear change, this is the main reason. Not knowing what to expect allows our imagination to run rampant, often fretting over uncontrollable situations. The stress feeds anxiety and worry which make it difficult to perform. The more performance suffers; the more difficult it makes the next performance.
Providing structure and a consistent schedule, on the other hand, reduces questions and the unknown. Instead, it replaces doubt with sound, comforting routine. It is reliable, like a warm blanket or a cozy pair of socks. It’s comfort food for your psyche, and it’s the opposite of change and stress.
Lowering stress allows kids to focus better, feel more energized, and be more in control of the situation when it comes to performing every day. It also contributes to a more restful night’s sleep when recovering from the day’s activities.
Confidence
Consistent expectations make it easier to follow the rules. Kids enjoy knowing what to do and successfully completing tasks. When you are able to continually be successful, the brain rewards your body with hormonal releases, including dopamine. Dopamine is the pleasure messenger that triggers you to do more of what was just rewarded.
This chemical reinforcement creates the effect of increasing confidence. When you are successful and rewarded for it, you naturally feel more confident. Imagine how great it would feel for your kids to confidently go through their day and approach new tasks filled with confidence.
What does this look like? Encourage your kids when they are doing or practicing an activity which is important to them. Start small. Whether it’s reading things on their own, brushing their teeth consistently, or getting up on time and grabbing something to eat, use the opportunity to reinforce their behavior.
When you reinforce, try to give them more than a “Good job!” That’s okay, but a “Wow, your room looks so clean. I am really impressed all of your clothes ended up in the hamper!” Being specific really creates a stimulus to build on and confidence is all about building. It is built one brick at a time.
Discipline
Reducing stress and instilling confidence are the building blocks to be able to tackle life successfully. They prepare you for what life is going to throw at you. The final part of the foundation is discipline. Discipline is critical to maintaining the structure and sticking to it.
As your kids confidently approach their day and tasks, they develop a disciplined approach to their work. They know what is coming and they are able to plan and prepare for it. Preparation naturally increases your chances for success which reinforces the pattern with your brain.
Reinforcement is the key to discipline in your life. To maintain an activity, you need to be able to reinforce it yourself and have it reinforced by others. Think of exercise. The more you see results and hear reinforcement from others, the more motivated you are to stick to it. As parents, you create the reinforcement to behaviors your child is trying to hone.
Encourage your child to take the next step. When you see your child brushing their teeth, ask them if they ever tried flossing. Encouraging them to take control of the activity moves ownership of the activity from you to them. From there, they will build their own routines and discipline.
What I’m Saying
I hope you are seeing a pattern with supporting your kids in developing structure. You encourage structure to serve as building blocks for them. The structure creates opportunities for taking simple activities and using them to reinforce behaviors with long-term benefits.
Eventually, when they master these foundational activities, they will take their own initiative (confidence) and create their own way of doing things in a healthy manner (discipline). They will be able to make the jump from this foundation and apply it to whatever they want to focus on in their life. You cannot control what they end up doing but you can assist them in figuring out how to get there. Guide them and let them go.
What I’m Not Saying
These 3 benefits create a firm foundation for healthy and growing kids. With this in mind, I am not suggesting you should not expose your kids to new, uncomfortable, or unknown situations. New experiences are clearly beneficial to exploring our world and engaging our minds. However, these situations should not dominate the schedule.
I suggest using the 80/20 rule. Having 80% of your day scheduled out leaves plenty of room for free play, free-thinking, and exploration. It’s especially important to have your morning and evenings planned out. Countless studies have shown the benefits of productive mornings and relaxed evenings.
Getting up and focused on things in an organized manner allows you to seize the day. The whole day is approached more confidently and positively. A relaxed evening allows the stress of the day to melt away and sets up the opportunity to enjoy a regenerating night’s sleep.
Applying Structure As Adults
Many successful people start organizing their day the night before it starts. They wake up with a clear idea of what they want to accomplish and focus on those activities. Working on those things early in the day dramatically increases the opportunity for success. In fact, the most successful people wake earlier than most and get those things done before others wake up to distract them!
In the same sense, a consistent evening routine relaxes your body and prepares your mind and body for a peaceful, restful sleep. Sleep is critical to maintain proper brain function, metabolism, and immunity to disease. Without proper sleep, we carry a tired body and a weak mind around with us all day.
Think about opportunities you have right now to apply structure to your life. Whether it is for your health or to feed a passion, schedule your time accordingly. I guarantee you will find it reduces your stress and brings more confidence to the way you live the rest of your dash.
Most importantly, help your kids develop a schedule early in their lives. They will be more confident, less stressed, and more disciplined. Your influence lays the basis for a firm foundation to help them lead healthier and happier lives.